…there comes a time in every man’s life where, if he desires true fellowship, he must not be afraid to bear his soul…instead he must be open and honest about what he was and who he is and let the chips fall where they may…else he is no man at all but a merely a very good actor…-dc-
Until now I have left my soul cloaked…obstructed from your view. I may have given you a peek at it, or let you see but a part of it. I have been fearful of judgment from both outside and within myself. I have feared that if given a true examination, I may not like what I find nor would anyone else.
But then I realized something, something amazing and terrifying; if I am to be truly effective, if I am to truly be a witness to the Kingdom of God I have no choice. I cannot please God if I don’t allow myself to be examined for what I really am and that is a sinner, a solider in this battle against the world, the flesh and the King of deceit. And like all soldiers, sometimes I have fallen in
Those that know me know this will be a fearful journey, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I must, however, trust that those that truly love me, truly care for me and are my true brothers and sisters will still be standing beside me when the dust of truth settles.
I say to my loved ones up front two things: Firstly, I am deeply sorry to you that I have not been the man you needed me to be. I hope a tiny space in your heart still exists for me and that you can forgive me. Secondly, thank you. I am deeply humbled and blessed by your love, kindness and wisdom everyday.
I say to everyone else: Caution!. The next few blog posts will contain real truth about a real person. And many parts of it are not pretty nor loving…life is not a classic comedy that leaves you with a sense of catharsis. Instead it is filled with missteps and bad decisions, but thankfully it is also filled with a personal, loving Savior who is willing to forgive 70x7. If anyone ever need all 490 chances…’twas I.
