Peer pressure, pride, and a phony persona: The perfect pot of poison.
The church kid. The funny guy. Mr. Random. A good egg. An actor. A good friend. Crackhead. Dependable. Well spoken and well read. A fun guy to be around. Trustworthy. Somewhat crazy. Entertaining. Smart.
All of the above were words used to describe my late middle and high school years by my friends and schoolmates. And they were all right. The truth was I could be anybody at anytime.
You see, I was never really me most of the time. Only certain, very close friends ever got to see the real Derek Cormier. Everyone else saw but a mere puppet of peer pressure. I could usually read people pretty quickly and knew what they wanted or needed me to be and so that was who I was to them at that moment in time.
The problem is I was living a lie and those get mighty hard to keep up with after awhile. I became lonely, angry and depressed and worn out. No one really truly cared for me only the personas I presented.
There was only one person I couldn’t fool, and that was me. I knew what I really was, what I really stood for and what was inside my heart. I just thought if I never examined it, than it wasn’t really there. The same way one might turn up the radio to mask the unusual clamoring coming from the car.
At some point, the car is going to break down and have to be examined. And so it was with me. D is for Degenerating, Disgusting and downright dirty.
Next up is E for Examined.
